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Hey! This is Jesmine but there are a thousand and one others out there who calls her Jia Min too! She's (finally) 18 and is more than happy to be showered with gifts on the nineth day of the third month each year. She's currently mugging in Nanyang Junior College with a bunch of cute people in 1002, but she still loves and misses her alma mater, TKGS together with her dearest 4e1 very very much. She ditched her 4-years long CCA, netball, for singing - both in choir and as a soloist (Just don't ask her to sing Don't Cry For Me, Argentina. It's Marisa's new ploy to watch a free show! And I know poor Bren's sick of playing it!) She's been stuck in Alto 2 in choir for a good ol' 5 years while her dearest conductor is still deciding whether to leave her there or transfer her somewhere else, but she takes the performing role of a mezzosoprano as a soloist (and communicate her 3-octave range using her perfect pitch to her rocking friends who in turn gives her nicknames of innate objects such as tuning fork, piano and amplifier. :/) Oops, she nearly forgot to mention that she was a part of the Superwomen(Student Welfare) committee of the Prefectorial Board back in the good ol' TKGS days. She's awesomely proud to be an Latter-Day Saint, and savouring her last year as a Laurel before she gets kicked out of YW. She loves her family and friends to bits, and in her (very little) free time, adores chilling out with her friends, attend concerts, shopping (and window shopping too. Money don't fall from the sky, y'know.), singing, tinkling on the piano, blogging, FBing and there's so much more she'll prolly need a thousand pages for her to fill up her "LOVES&HOBBIES" section. Flowers, cute huggable soft toys, helium balloons and (hand-written) letters and notes are some of her favourite things.♥

PS: I can/can't believe you just spent/wasted 5 minutes of your life reading her introductory speech. Btw, she LOVES people who tag on her tagboard, so do make sure you let her know that you were here! Have an awesome day anyway! (:






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Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

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Sunday, November 29, 2009
The loser standing small

WORD OF THE DAY: INADEQUATE.

Okay, yes yes, even though my bro has been saying that and annoying the hell out of the poor AMK youth people with his new pet word (Apart from nia and ita. Can't stand him sometimes.), it's pretty much true, I guess. I'm feeling this sort of inadequatecy and perhaps, incompetence. I don't know, I can be all high, happy and hyper on the outside but I know the inside of me is still feeling wayyy too insecure. Deja vu much?

This year has challenged me in so many aspects. This year, I have been literally thrown me down on my knees. I know I can't say I had my share of joy - my most awesome bunch of choircomm members, conductors and teachers, some of the best few buddies I've had in JC, a couple of delightful and inspiring teachers, prized secondary school BFFs, understanding church members to share my weals and woes with me. I understand through pain only then can you see the people who really love you for who you are, but, why must I really go through so much just to see. Why must I shed so much tears and sweat, suffer through sleepless nights, go close to bersark trying to complete assignments and study for CTs and LTs, only to suffer the immense pain of failure. AGAIN.

Everytime I assure myself that I've tried my best, the results are just too bleak to make my assurance feel real.

Either I'm incompetent or I'm just getting too weary for my own good.

I keep telling myself to pick myself up from wherever I fall, but I genuinely have no idea how long I can try to psycho myself.

I'm sorry, whoever's reading this. I'm actually getting tired putting up a facade front in front of everyone, but I know I must. Okay, maybe not a must, but, I don't know why I always sense the guilt when people come up to me and say "Hey Jes, are you alright?" (Like Oli) or "Hey, you okay or not?" (Like Chewy, after Oli's question.) Especially my family members, my parents. I know, despite their nagging and all, they're the most worried for me, especially seeing how I've never been so down for the 17 years of my existance ever.

I love my family. I love church. I love choir. I love 0901.
I don't want to give up any of these,
but I guess it's too much greed on my side.
I know, it's time to sacrifice some things.

I hate failure. I really do.
But I suppose I've never really experienced failure for the past 17 years, so perhaps, this might be the time of trial.

On my seventeenth year, I've turned into a (close-to-complete) rebel. So where has that sweeter demeanor gone to?

I need to kneel and pray fervently, again.

While I continue anticipating silently,
(please call soon, please call soon. I hope I'm not waiting for nothing.)

The winner takes it all, the loser standing small. (still)

Saturday, November 21, 2009


This is life - candycoated.
Why can't things just be the way they used to be?
I don't want to live the reality because consequences are too painful to bear.

My case is still pending.
My life is hanging in mid air, and I'm living in a sea of uncertainty.
I never thought something would affect my life so badly, so badly.
Crestfallen, dejected.

So, it's just me,
living for the past few weeks
with less than 20 sentences a day,
no longer cheery as before,
forlorn.

To the people who have been keeping tabs on me,
I can only say I'm genuinely sorry,
for making you so worried.

I want to be the same old me, again.

How much longer will it take before I genuinely go mad?
How long more must I wait?


Sunday, November 15, 2009
D-DAY. Like seriously.

TOMORROW.
It's coming wayyyy sooner than I thought.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! ):

Must chill must chill. ):

Saturday, November 14, 2009
More often than not, are hotter than hot

Heyya!

I think my post are just getting ridiculously trashy, (alright pardon my half-conscious mind).
Just itsy bitsy updates on my (not-so) mundane life the past few days.

Wednesday late morning/afternoon was spent meeting up with Sab to develop the photos for Jes' photo album at Parkway. It's been ages since I've been to Parkway, and that place really changed quite a bit! Had lunch and chat session with her at Subway's before roaming around the whole of Parkway! Had 2 minutes worth of cam-w session (because that was the amount of time her cam allocated for us.) before she chionged home to change and make her way to Tamp Safra for her bowling session while I bused home. Practiced voice and piano for awhile before making my way down to church. The traffic was SOOOOOOOOOOOOO BAD, I was late but the turnout was pretty awesome. Like at least 50 youths, I think. We learnt a couple of songs for the musical which will prolly be sung for Seminary Grad which is gonna fall on the 21st this month. NO MORE 5.45am LESSONS! NO MORE WAKING UP AT UNCANNY HOURS OF THE MORNING! (I know I've said that a million times, but i can't help it!)


Thursday morning was spent helping Mum marinade her defrost chicken (I know Sab will laugh.) before meeting up with Gloria and Yiying at Paya Lebar MRT to go to Vivo. We had plans to have a picnic but the plan failed because we decided on LJS instead. HAHA. Went up to the open space to celebrate Yiying's 2 months' belated birthday with my brownies, chillout, relax and cam-w; superduper awesomeness! Walked around Vivo thereafter (and spent alot of time at Toys R' Us. We were just trying to reminisce our childhood. HAHAHA!) because it started to drizzle but we went back to the open space again when we were tired later. Walked down to B&J's to have my fav's cookiedough (and they chose chocolate mint, I think). I love B&J's tissue; I think it's reallyreally cool! :) Trained home after that, FB and practiced piano.

I went to bake AGAIN on friday morning because I was absolutely bored and didn't feel like going out (due to choir prac in the afternoon) so I made 3 batches! Yay! Anyway, thank goodness I chose not to go out because it POURED. So I popped by KM's place at 3plus to collect my GC and the math paper and gave her brownies too before busing to school for choir. I guess choir was pretty alright today, Mr C. attempted to combine Ave Maria which sounded decently good for a first attempt (since everyone have short breathspan and cannot hold on for like, more than 8 crotchet counts at a really slow pace.) I can't feel the sacredness though, and there's like, almost no choral feeling. It's like 4 sections trying to play blast the music, so I guess we'll have to work on all those. And all the semitone problems. Sighsighsigh. It's a pretty decent version of Ave Maria, but I wished they chose the nicer versions though. ): Oh well. Room for loads of improvement, and I'm pretty confident we'll shine at the end of the day. Got "kicked out" of LT2 after practice because the ISLE(PRC) people were gonna use the LT so we ended up having to go to Bishan for exco dinner/meeting. Oh yea, gave the brownies to the exco to try after choir practice too. I HOPE THEY REALLY TASTE DECENT/NICE and not because you're trying to console me. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :) I know Yan Jun and Charmaine were asking for second helpings though! Yan Jun was close to eating Oli's share! That pig! Haha! I guess I may do them for Christmas if time permits. Anyway we ended everything past 9.30pm, so I rushed back home! Reached home wayyyy past 10 man. AND the friday the 13th had to end with a sad ending because the water pump burst (apparently) and we had NO WATER! Yes, no water to shower, no water to drink (We use filtered water from the tap. I don't know where they bought the filter from, don't ask me. Haha!), no water to wash the clothes, etc. THANK GOODNESS KM lives opposite our place, so we went over to shower before going home! TY! :) :) :)

Went to ACS(BR/P) carnival with Deb and Mare this morning and met Shuan, Elsa, Salted Pig, and the Collin person there. I guess this year's carnival wasn't really fun as compared to the other years (I'm referring to the carnival itself) but we (me, Deb, Mare) had cam-w session outside the hall (Where we did our sad concert last year) which was retardedly fun! Haha! Went with them to look for their prom dresses, and I guess Deb and Mare found a couple of decent ones (and prolly going back to buy before tuesday?) Went to church before going to Taka with the fam and back home now, with my feet really, really sore and needs a good rub. Haha!

On my way home, as I was sitting in the luxury of my mum's car, my mind was just wandering around randomly. What if I did not quit dance in Pri 1? Was it a blessing in disguise to lose that pair of leotards? I remembered having one ballet lesson in some rather prestigious school when I was really young, (can't remember where though) and spent a couple of months in KHS dance club. The training was really painful; I remembered I couldn't split the first few times so the teacher/dance instructor placed all her weight on me and forced my legs to split. It hurt so much I nearly cried when I did that. Practices were crazy and all. I guess the past few months made quite a big impact in my life. The way I walk now is rather different from others (After someone told me and I made quiet observations on my own), the way I attempt to potray myself... I don't know, it just seemed so different. I mean, I'm just saying that dance could have been one of the possibilty, a conjecture. Then I remember after I quit dance, my parents wanted me to join Chinese Orchestra, so I tried. On the first practice, they assigned me to the erhu section. Yes, you didn't read it wrong. ERHU SECTION! I don't know why, but I guess at that time I/we had the stereotypical feeling that erhu(s) were played by old people so in the end I also quit CO! So I stopped CCAs completely (since they weren't even compulsary in P1 & 2 to begin with, so yea. Lol!) I finally had my final CCA, netball (like yes, it was my parents' choice again, no doubt. Maybe partly I didn't really know what I wanted either. ) which I managed to stick on to till the end of my pri school days despite the rather hectic training. So there you go. This is what a half an hour ride does to my brain. HAHA.

Alright, exhausted. Shall try to update pictures soon. (Because I have no pictures with me! D: Wed's with Sab, Thurs' with Gloria, Fri's with Oli Djawoto and Today's with Mare.) HAHA :D

Till then,
Tata! :)

I somewhat got over,
I think.
I hope I will.
Soon.
Meanwhile,

I'll still stay strong. :)

Xoxo.

[/EDIT]
PS: I just remembered when Gabchew was talking to Oli and I about ACS carnival when he said
"I brought home three bottles of peanut butterbutty, ..."

EPIC GAB, EPIC. :) I'm helping you to advertise your comedian services here.
(Oli, I'm sure you'll approve of it right? :P)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Say your name, out loud.


To waste time away,
I baked brownies today! :)
Turned out rather decently, though I don't know if it can last till friday to let the exco try.
Myra and Sab are gonna be the first 2 guinea pigs tmr. :)
Quite amusing how our exco is such a food-loving bunch.
Maybe we should change choir to food-club. Haha!

And I'm tempted to bake again. On thursday, perhaps. :)

Anyway, I was planning to post this up awhile back but I was so tied down by everything that made my life so dreary and bleah, but at least the second worst is over thus far. And yes, I shall not digress. So here's the video I wanted to post. Yes, it's sung by Gcheow(My conductor, no doubt) and it's really good, so yes it's a must watch. (Okay, my only problem with the video is that it's a lil' disturbing to see 7 of him at one go. And the joke about him only having 9 sets of clothes and being called ahboy by Mrs L. Comical. Lol!)




Choir! Watch and learn! :)


Somehow, singing gives me the sense of happiness that seems seemingly impossible to attain through other means.

I know this may sound a lil' shocking to some, but I really can't wait for friday's choir practice to come. Somehow choir seems like one of the few things that pulled me together throughout my NY days so far. I guess achievements in choir don't seem to play a very huge role for me anymore. True, TKGchoir has been an achieving choir, but there's also all the pain and setbacks that come along with it. NYchoir, on the other hand, may have been one that was close to nearly being disbanded last year (as told by the people), but look how far we've come. From a "we-shouldn't-go-for-SYF" to a silver is definitely an achievement for everyone here. I mean, I guess we've gone through quite a bit, came so far. I'll never wanna leave choir, ever.


I know, it's been only perhaps 4 months, but holding on to the position as a student conductor in the choir has taught me alot. Apart from giving me the chance to do warmups and combine songs, it taught me the different skills of conducting, how to communicate with people, how to deal with conflicts, etc. I guess many things come with experience, and this is no exception. I'm also really glad that there's Gchew to help out in the discipline (cos I know I can be rather CMI in it.) and all. I guess I'm still learning from him, how to be cool and collected while handling matters.


I've start practicing on my piano and voice, and also for Fiona's voice exam (yes finally, I know!)

I guess I might just start studying again. Real soon.


I've somewhat thought it through. My aim, at the end of my 2/3-years college life (Depends if I get retained or not), is to go to a uni and get into the course of my choice. As much as I would like to stay in Singapore and study in either Med school/FASS(Unless I have a change of heart or something) in NUS, if I genuinely can't make it, I guess I'll prolly just have to take SATs and study in BYU Provo (hopefully). Or perhaps Uni of Melbourne? Anyway, at the end of the day, the unis are still recognised in Singapore, only more costly due to all the extra expenses. Ah well, I guess I just have to try getting my straight A's first before making any decision. If I can get into NUS, I wanna join choir again. Haha. (How is that shocking anyway? Lol!)


Sigh just now D went to change my status on fb and cause too many comments to flood, but I forgave her since she's super sorry about it. Just don't do it again alright? :)


Alright, I better get some sleep. I'm supposed to meet Sab at 11am later at PP, followed by going to church in the evening. :) It's 1.35am! Argh!


Anyway, O level people, you guys are ending soon! Perservere!
J1s not done with OP, you guys are ending soon too! Persevere!
A level people, it's less than a month to the end of your tertiary education. Hang on, be strong! It'll be over sooner than you know. :)

Doowahdoowahdoowahdoowahdoowah! :)
Xoxo.

Monday, November 09, 2009
Goodbye Project Work.

OP IS OVER! PW IS OFFICIALLY OVER!
NO MORE PI.
NO MORE GPP.
NO WR.
NO MORE EOM.
NO MORE I&R.
NO MORE OP.
NO MORE PW FOREVER AND EVER AND EVER!
THIS CALLS FOR A MASSIVE CELEBRATION!!! (Of course after everyone's done with theirs!)
(PS: I'm sorry for the CAPS, but I'm on cloud 9 now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)
BE GONE, AND NEVER RETURN! (Okay, except for the getting back of the results part. I WANT AN A AFTER TEN MONTH OF SLOGGING!)
:D :D :D

Xoxo.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009
So take a look at me now, it's just an empty space

Firstly, I should decide whether to whack GABRIELCHEWWENDE who was supposed to take warmups and stuff today BUT I ENDED UP DOING IT AGAIN! G! Idk, you're SO doing it tomorrow, I tell you!

I'm genuinely deciding whether to laugh or to cry.
Convo with Zheng Yuan yesterday was SO EPICLY FUNNY! 
DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON DEFAULT PERSON!
(PS: My mum was wondering how come I was laughing to myself okay! See I lost my sanity. :/ Lol!) 

Anyway, I know you wouldn't wanna hear this, but I'll say it anyway.

My. life. sucks. right. now.

And I'm exhausted. Early night tonight then. 
Such a long day tomorrow. I'm hoping something good will come outta it.

And more OP, OP and OP. I'm tired of this trash. TRASHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. 
After the 9th I'll scream for joyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy and I'm sure everyone will be interested in joining me in a burnin'-PW-stuff session. :)

Xoxo. 


Sunday, November 01, 2009
Stay till winter ends, would you?


A card. A pair of earrings. A page of lyrics. A sachet of homegrown lavender from the USofA.
Today is one Sunday I'll never forget.



BEAUTIFUL TO HIM


So much noise
So much peace destroyed
I can hardly hear the voice
Leading me through the void
So much noise
The world's little lies
Destruction in disguise
Opportunities to compromise
To make me beautiful in their eyes
But I'm not gonna buy
The world lies



Cause I define myself
And find my beauty in the light he gives
I'm refined by his divine intention everyday I live
It doesn't matter what the world believes
Or what they say that beauty means
It comes from within
I wanna be beautiful to Him



He's given me his trust
So I'll be strong enugh
To run from a dangerous touch
I don't need that kind of "love"
I don't need that crutch
He's given me His trust



Cause I define myself
And find my beauty in the light he gives
I'm refined by his divine intention everyday I live
It doesn't matter what the world believes
Or what they say that beauty means
It comes from within
I wanna be beautiful to Him



I know how to shine
My life's not really mine
It's not about a worldly climb
It's all about his design
So in his eyes
I wanna shine

Cos I define myself
And find my beauty in the light he gives
I'm refined by his divine intention everyday I live
It doesn't matter what the world believes
Or what they say that beauty means
It comes from within
I wanna be beautiful to Him



I wanna live to have His peace
And feel the holiness He sees
It comes from within
I wanna be beautiful
To Him.



(Click to enlarge if it's too small for you to read.)
People ROARING on my FB Status over H1 MT. HAHAHAHAHA.
Anyway, all the best for A levels Mother Tongue Paper tomorrow people :)
(While I enjoy my well-deserved one day off. Haha.)

"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you, let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
-St John 14:17

I'm off to Zzzland. :)
Xoxo.