I believe in yesterday.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I'm like a shooting star, I've come so far

(Thank you for the card/letter and chocolate, (slacker) Shuan! Completely unexpected, and it certainly made my day! :D)

Okay shoot I'm always breaking my hiatus, but last time, I promise.
Today marks the official last day of school before promos begin and also the last institute session of the year (and I hope I don't have to make up lessons!)

Well, it's been a rather crazy year, and if I could use three words to describe myself at the beginning of the year - 'tattered and torn' would have probably been the most suitable phrase. I felt anguish, agony, pain, hurt. Repeating a year is no child's play. The only consolation (the constant reminders from guys: "You don't have to go for NS!", so I guess I'm a year faster, lol. It didn't help when I lost a couple of friendships throughout the year due to the various reasons - most of them drifted off. Not that I didn't try to keep them, but I guess as the saying goes, it takes 2 hands to clap. And again, quotable quote - people change along the way. Sometimes, learning the true colour of people really hurts, but I guess it's part and parcel of life.

Nevertheless, I've people who stuck by me through thick and thin, especially through the ardeous (3/4) journey of the year (thus far). Without their help, advices, concern, physical, mental and emotional support, I can't fathom the idea of the year passing through so quickly and less painfully. It was a painful falling down, but with pillars of support, I'm almost at the end of the tunnel for the year.

I thank God for my wonderful family - the immediate and the extended who were my physical and mental pillar of support throughout this lifetime cos I know without them, there's no way I could have landed this far - getting into a JC and being able to do what I loved most. And even when I crossed my first major obstacle and having decided to take the painful path, everyone were still so supportive of my final decision and lending a hand whenever they can, which is one of the reasons why I could still stay on my 2 feet to this day. Words just can't express my gratitude.

I thank God for genuine friends, for the people who have never left my side.
For the friends I had not only for a season, but for the whole and the rest of my life.

During your deepest trials, you know they'll be there rooting for you, spurring you on till you reach the end of the tunnel where the light shines brightly.

Thank you EC, Sab, Oli, Gabz, JY, YJ, Mare, Fi, Deb, Sa, ZY, K, Polar Bear, Meng Hui, Sak, Mike, Myra, Salted Pig, Shuan, YE, Marie, Manda L, Ally, Malia, Nana, Zee, (just to name a few), for being there when I needed someone the most, for being there not only during the good times but the bad as well.
Not just one, two or even three season. Close friends for a lifetime (:

(I'll do the thanking on an individual basis at the end of the year cos it's the time of the year where I'm free too! :D)

Superficial friends go, but true friends stay whatever the circumstances is. :D

Mugging (and htht later) with Oli and Gabz at Macs today was awesome as usual, and crazy Gabz and I played the perfect pitch game on Oli's 4th gen iphone - it's the battle of the sexes of the most imba perfect pitcher! So far Gabz hasn't beaten my score of 304 notes at one sitting. (304 cos I pressed a help buton which restarted the game. Wasted. But Gabz hasn't hit the 200th mark yet, heehee.) Oli, if you see this, ask you bf to hit 305 (though he said 400 but I think I can't wait, heehee!) so that I can continue playing to beat his new high score! XD Well, apart from playing that the mugging session was pretty good too. :D I did do my work. :D

5days to promos.
This is will definitely be the last time you'll see me here till the 12th Oct @ 3pm.

Wait for me. (:
Xoxo.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Count your many blessings, angels will attend

"But it's not as if you couldn't do it... Me and gab both feel that it's probably because you were overly worried about your results that affected you last year. It's not that you don't have the capabilities. Look how much you've improved now. You're one of the top in your class right :) and besides there are so many other things you're better than others in. How many of us have perfect pitch and are capable musically so much so that even TT says that he feels it's a pity that you're not in exco ? So what's the other part that's bothering you then?"

It's time I count my blessings and give myself some credit instead of discrediting my efforts and dampening my individual worth.

Thank you for the sms to remind me that I'm worth much, much more than what I feel, Olivia Djawoto. It was such a timely reminder. :D
Xoxo.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

The eye of the storm or the cry in the morn

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY CHERY YANG LIN! Haven't seen you in the longest time and I really hope you're doing well in SP. (I miss you too, of course!) Rock on girllll! :D
And HAPPY ADVANCED 18TH BIRTHDAY ROYDEN! (I know it's a week away, but I'm planning to go on a hiatus so I won't be here to type your birthday message on that day, sorry dude! Anyway you've been an awesome guyfriend whom I've known since childhood, and fantastic bboy dancer. Stay rooted to your goals, and I hope you'd have a smashing celebration! :D

Anyway, I'm feeling a little feverish now. D: And it's been a completely crazy, emo week which really tested my limits and patience, and having to make decisions to avoid myself getting hurt even more than I've already am. It's not something I wanna talk about anymore till I get over it, I suppose. But the week's over, and I had too much of an awesome time on friday and saturday evening with fantastic company. :D

He's there in the dark
He's there in my heart
He waits in the wings
He's gotta play a part
Trouble is a friend yeah trouble is a friend of mine

I need some fresh air from the things I'm going through now.
Though I'm there for people at their brink of collapse,

But who's gonna be here for me when I fall?

Fifteen days to promos,

till October the 12th,

I really should up my confidence level since everyone else has so much more confidence and faith that I'll make it. But I guess things like this happen, haha.

Xoxo.

PS: One day, I'd definitely like to try learning/singing this! (Need to train till that crazy F note is solid though, cos now I can reach but it's far strong at this moment. (From the lack of training and practice, of course.) And training my stamina, strength and volume, of course. Current state is far from passable, D: Okay, that's like training everything from scratch. Lol!)

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Painful.

I've pretty much made a bold decision. (At least I'm quite sure about it.)
One that'll prolly shock many,
But for the sake of keeping my sanity and the beautiful memories I had,
Stop witnessing dirty politics, doublefaced personalities coupled with plenty of backstabbing,
I'm gonna make this sacrifice.
Anyway, it'll be only for less than 2 years.

Jes, this will be worth the pain.
After more than 1.5years, you can do what you once loved again.
Just with another group, a new experience, a fresh start.

And to a few individuals: I am sorry. I truly am. I don't think I'll stay this time unless things change, which is not likely gonna happen.

Start: After promos.

Monday, September 13, 2010

I sit and watch the skies, and I can hear it heave a sigh

Today, one of my teachers came to me and asked: "Can you get promoted?"

It's not a choice, I HAVE to get promoted this round.
But at this rate I go I can just bang my head against the wall.
*sobs*

I will prove it to you,
I will show you that I'll get promoted ON MY OWN.

Where am I?
Oh no, I can feel the tears ready to roll down. Again.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

The flowers are faded now along with your letters

Well, I guess this will be one of those last (few) posts before I go on THE HIATUS and trying to pull up my socks and do some justice to my grades till the 12th Oct, seriously. (And contrary to popular belief, I am NOT MUGGING 24/7 tyvm. Nor mugging hard either. Really.)

So today's sunday, my september holidays are officially over and tomorrow marks the beginning of the last term of the year. Sigh, the year passes so quickly. Too quickly in fact. A measly 22days to promos and I feel like pulling out my hair and scream and run in circles (not very fun, unfortunately.) And I haven't been very productive in my studying for the week. (Like how I was with EC at Velocity on friday morning and half an hour after we met I started ranting to her how I had no mood to study. Sorry dearie, though I've absolute confidence you'll do awesome for prelims and even more awesome for A's. :D)

And yes, the stress bug is getting closer to bottleneck level as my impending doom draws near and I hope the sick bug doesn't come along anytime now. (or I'll really cry buckets because I'll be too busy pulling tissues to sneeze or coughing away during the last few weeks. Oh wait, it IS the last 3 weeks already. ><) I'm driving myself pretty crazy - I've to admit the main two reasons why I'm actually studying now - having to kick myself to get promoted or I'LL HAVE NOWHERE TO GO and because my darling J2s are mugging for prelims too so it's really an additional push for me to mug too since most of the people I'm close to are my J2s anyway. Lol. (Alright fine, I do have a third reason, but let me keep that to myself for now yeah. :D)

And yes, thank you for dinner&window shopping date last night ZY! :D You don't know how much of a lifesaver you were to my on-the-verge-to-collapsing and I-wasted-my-holidays-studying-and-gonna-poof-off-any-moment detrimental state last night. Pastamania dinner + Macs icecream = Information overload for the poor girl but I think both of us were having fun ranting, ranting and more ranting, oops hahaha! (Actually I think she had more fun than me considering how she was laughing her head off at my stupidity, I think. And trying to be some counsellor giving advice and nodding repeatedly like some wise old woman - I couldn't find a more appropriate phrase than wise old woman, woman!) And I'm envious how you're holidaying AGAIN when you had your YOG-off a couple of weeks ago! T.T

Which reminds me of a rather hilarious/retarded incident/convo. (Okay sorry brain is currently in a dysfunctional state, and my content's like everywhere with random stuff popping out of my head haha.)

Me: *looking through some psychology of music booklet and reads off book.*
Ninth string quartet...
K: Nine string quartet? So each person plays two string?!
Me: And the last one plays 1 string... Oh wait no, shoot that's 3
strings. (Math fail. T.T)
(Yeah, you're speaking to two brain dead people now.)

I remember when mum was dropping dad and I off at Paya Lebar MRT on friday morning (when I was supposed to meet EC at Velocity), dad was commenting on my rather huge-sized social circle (I can't remember why) and I replied something like: "It's genetic." Oh my gosh my answer sounds retard but I wished I said something like, "It's the dominant allele i got from you." *Cheesy grin*

You know, if there's one thing I regretted not doing during this holiday, it'll be GOING FOR YSA CONVENTION! D: AHHHHH I should have just paid that $130 and kick myself to Port Dickson to chillax and probably feel a little more of the Spirit for the last three days with Cookie, Gayle, Galvin and Bryan before thrashing myself back to school BAH. D: Ahhhh seriously WHY DIDN'T I? D: (If any of the four of you see this please whack me HARDDD k!) Okay, it's not that I'm really interested in attending workshops like celestial marriage (according to one of Gayle's tweets during their stay there.)

Evidence (@gayletsq):
Tweeting during a celestial marriage (ugh again) workshop. For that, I'm certain I am going to die a spinster.
8:46 PM Sep 10th via Twitter for iPhone
(tsk Gayle, tsk. I'll be waiting for your wedding invitation. :D)

since I am not getting married anytime soon (or let's put it, I'm not even dating yet! LOL!) but... idk I just felt that I SHOULD HAVE GONE. BAMMMMMMM! D: Okay too late regretting. I'll try to go next year (Though Cookie won't be in Singapore anymore, sorryyyyyyyyyy! D:) And you guys totally have to fill me in about convention okay! :D

Okay and this little paragraph is for Marisa if she sees this, (In case my manager doesn't feel my invisible love and cancels all my contracts! Okay I'm kidding.) I just received your sms, and yes it certainly is ego-boosting to you! Haha! (She start off by saying: Hey people that love Marisa!) And yes dearie I missed you while you were happily shopping in Korea, while I was sadly mugging in a 7-hours flight away land. Have a good rest, and you can rant when we all meet! (For once I'll be the listener for everyone's overseas' trip, haha!)

I guess I ended on a completely different note as compared to what I initially planned to end on. (It's a good thing, really. :D) I guess my emoness kinda drifted off a little since the start of my post, so I've decided not to bring up the emo side of me for now. Happy? :D

All the best for Prelims J2s, (Esp the MJs, TJs and everyone else starting tomorrow!)

Love you guys truckloads and you all will be in my prayers. (And I did fast for y'all today too. :D)

22days to Promos. 31days to freedom.

31 days to returning to my sane state.

Less than 100 days to see how things go and decide.

Tata folks. (You should be sleeping soon, there's school tomorrow!)

Xoxo.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I was careless I forgot

So there, my one week worth of Septemeber holidays are unofficially over (I'm left with the weekends, but I don't go to school on weekends so there you go.)

And guess what, (No prizes for the right answers)
I spent the 5 solid holiday days studying! I just wasted my holidays! D: And my studying haven't been very productive (unfortunately), imo.
But thanks for mugging with me this hols Bero, Putt, EC & K. Really appreciate it even though I spend half the time whining and falling asleep and doing everything else apart from what I intend to do.

Here's a ~~happy and recharged for school~~ very exhausted and depressed and don't-want-to-go-back-to-school Jesmine for you.
Cheer her up, will you?

Don't start that topic again though, EC.

Where is my old cheery self?
Have I sold 3 years of my youth to JC for a bright future or a bleak one? Is this whole journey worth it?

What I (unfortunately) have to agree to though, is because I've endless pile of work to be done, I never had much time to think of a particular someone, but come to think of it now, it makes me less distracted from and more focused work now.

After promos, I want to find back that bubbly, social butterfly side of me again.
I'm tired of being labelled a mugger when deep down inside, I know I can't sit and study beyond 9hours now.
I feel terrible. And I really want someone to rant it out to.

Xoxo.

Thursday, September 09, 2010

Cos love is a strange and funny thing

I never had a dream come true,
Till the day that I found you.
Even though I pretend that I moved on,
You'll always be a part of me.

And pretending sucks so much, it's just overly painful. ):

Xoxo.

Tuesday, September 07, 2010

And that's all I'm taking with me

Mugging session/lunch/dinner with Bero and Putt today made me really happy, and talking to gloria on MSN really got me a lil' teared up.

The similarity among all three of them?
They were my batchie of A2 girls in TKGChoir and they've made so much, so huge an impact on my life (And there's Shi Han too, my awesome cool meimei!). I really really don't know I would have survived without them by my side through thick and thin for the 4 years of my TKG life (2 years for Putt.)

If there was only one reason why I never regretted not having my way in sec 1, staying in choir and remaining in A2, it's because of the 4 of you. Everything we've gone through, from singing to SYF to concerts to competition, it wouldn't have been the same without the 4 of you.

Gloria Lim Yean Xuan, Ng Shi Han, Pavadee Thuvavong, Sherlyn Koh Zhu Ling - thank you for the beautiful music we made for the past 4 years, for the lashings we've been through, the never-say-die period during SYF, gossip sessions during breaks, drawing random stuff on each other's scores, sleeping on me (applies only to bero), ranting sessions, listening during my sectionals... It had been a memorable 4 years worth of journey, and a lifetime worth of friendship and memories. No one can ever replace the 4 of you, ever. Though we split in JC - gloria & I to NYJ, shihan to TJ, putt to SA and bero to MJ, but our passion for singing never died. Some of us may have been transferred to different sections, but nevertheless, you all will always be my A2 girls - yesterday, today, tomorrow and forever.

Love the four of you loads, forever and a day.

(The thought of Putt studying back in Thailand/France and not wantint to stay in SG's saddening for me, but I do want her to be happy too. Remember the wedding invitation! :D)

I don't know why, it's always things like this that I'm never able to let go.

Xoxo.

Monday, September 06, 2010

Now once as summertime drew nigh

The vicious cycle of gaining weight:
Sleep > Wakeup > Eat > Study > Eat > Study > Sleep

Plus I need sugar to keep me awake!
And I always feel like sleeping (like now.)

I think even eating 6 grams of fat on a daily basis is not gonna work out. Woe be me. D: (I sense someone's gonna start his bass-sounding mwahaha again. D:)

Sat down & mug at Esplanade Library from approx 1-9pm (Was at National Library from 10-12 till I almost forgot to meet that shameless(haha!) boy who said I looked even more cui than him.) But okay, I think the point I'm trying to make here is DON'T JUST SIT THERE AND MUG FOR 8HOURS STRAIGHT WITHOUT MOVING AROUND - very detrimental to your poor butt (like the current state of mine now, haha.)

I really don't know how I could sit down for 12hours straight mugging for econs MYE 3 years ago. Sheesh my stamina is gone. BAHHHHHHHH. D:

I think I just made myself turn out to sound like some crazy girl. Oops.

Meeting Putt and Bero at Expo tomorrow, and that makes me happy yay yay yay yay yay *jumps for joy* Haven't seen them in the longest longest time ever! (Okay fine Bero came for my concert but it doesn't count as much as a meetup. :P)

Okay, this girl's returning to the vicious cycle.
Sleeppppppppppppppppp. (As I surrender unto sleep.)
Xoxo.

PS: I hoped yoU shaved your crown of glory, heehee. :P