maybe it'll be tomorrow

In all honesty, I'm am beyond exhausted but I figured if I don't post today then I never would because so much happened from when I last posted. Think it's been about two and a half weeks back since I last posted. You've been warned, it's a lengthy post ahead. (Provided I don't fall asleep while typing this cos I'm lying on my bed - I really am tired.)

So I'd start from the most recent week. If there was one word to describe thre march block tests, it would be: asdfghjklzxcvbnm. Yeah. It was BAD, no joke. The weekdays were passing by as if I was stuck in hell, and every passing day got gloomier. For someone who generally has a rather high mental tolerance, I nearly died. I think the only reason why I'm still alive now's because I told myself it isn't worth dying over block test, even if I really attained straight Us. With people telling me how it's only block test and my stress level is not worth it, I can't imagine how much more ardeous this journey is going to be, with midyears, prelims and the final hurdle of A's left on this seemingly huge plate at this point of time. I recall counselling people that they'll cross the hurdle make it through this difficult times, but only now do I realise what they've been through. And maybe it felt worse because for the first time in my whole life, I felt the stale air of solitude. The feeling of being alone without the physical support of the people who are closer to you is really, i don't know how to describe it. True, I do get occasional texts from peeps asking me how things are coming along and all, but, it's just isn't the same anymore. I recall studying alone in school (I think it was tuesday) prior to going over to Marlene's when this unbearably overwhemingly negative feeling clouded over me. I don't know what it was - over past bad papers, solitude or that emotional nerve, but it was so bad, and much as I was trying really hard to concentrate on completing my math sums (the next morning was supposed to be H2 math), I just couldn't do it. I was almost on the verge of crying and since I couldn't get anything done after 5 consecutive hours in the library, I left the library and ended up wandering around Compass Point (certainly not somewhere you should be gallevanting on the eve of a paper) for 2 hours before heading over to Marlene's. Anyway, I screwed up my H2s, and my H1s aren't any better. We'll see how results turn out to be, but I'm pretty much mentally prepared to see straight Us for that matter. Maybe I'd be the next most improved student by midyears. Or prelims. Yeah. (Self-consolation at it's best.) The weekends were much happier, when I ended Bio on a good 11.30am. Friday was spent with Putt (who's back in Singapore for 5 days and she just for Thailand a couple of hours ago.), Mare, Fee, Bero and Debz. Saturday was an hour's worth of skype with Amanda Loh who should've been sleeping then cos it was past 12am over at Utah, institute followed by Sab's birthday dinner with Sak before we went window dress-shopping for me (for ZY's wedding/prom). And today's the family's sacrament presentation followed by the ward's YSA/SA activity (where I prepared the game, wasn't fantastic for a last min idea but I thought it wasn't too bad either.) The weekends definitely made up for the sucky week. Thank you people. :D

March Hols week- I'd like to rate it the week with both ends of a spectrum. Saturday to Wednesday were awesome days until I started panicking on Wednesday night after an awesome dinner meetup with EC, Charis and Jes where it dawned on me I didn't have enough time to complete studying for blocks which lead me into the sudden frenzied cranky mood I had till this friday night. Saturday was totally awesome - I had most of my closest friends from different circles over, awesome bbq food(with so much leftovers, no doubt), fun, joy and laughter I'd never wanted to trade those moments with any other. Of course I felt disappointed and sad for obvious reasons (I doubt that person will see this anyway.) and didn't wish me on my birthday either, but oh well. ): Though EC and charis felt that you might still care for me in the subtlest way, I don't feel that way. I feel as if you've taken our friendship's for granted. I could be wrong, I wished you'd prove me wrong and my friends right but, what are the odds? True, I may be a nice girl but, I have feelings too. It made me sad thinking how other guys could treat me better than you do even though I treated you like a really close friend compared to the rest. But you know what, I think it doesn't matter as much to me, cos right now I'm gonna set my priorities straight. From now till 1st Dec. Plus, I know that I deserve more than being treated this way.

Anyway on to happier moments. So the week before was the final week of school and it was pretty alright for the last week of a term. But then again, that brings me a whole term closer to A's. And I don't feel ready to sit for A's if it's tomorrow morning.

I should just go off. I'm not in the right state of mind to continue typing. Goodnight.

Xoxo.

10:02 PM ·