<body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/11792751?origin\x3dhttp://shesangherwayhome.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>
Hey! This is Jesmine but there are a thousand and one others out there who calls her Jia Min too! She's (finally) 18 and is more than happy to be showered with gifts on the nineth day of the third month each year. She's currently mugging in Nanyang Junior College with a bunch of cute people in 1002, but she still loves and misses her alma mater, TKGS together with her dearest 4e1 very very much. She ditched her 4-years long CCA, netball, for singing - both in choir and as a soloist (Just don't ask her to sing Don't Cry For Me, Argentina. It's Marisa's new ploy to watch a free show! And I know poor Bren's sick of playing it!) She's been stuck in Alto 2 in choir for a good ol' 5 years while her dearest conductor is still deciding whether to leave her there or transfer her somewhere else, but she takes the performing role of a mezzosoprano as a soloist (and communicate her 3-octave range using her perfect pitch to her rocking friends who in turn gives her nicknames of innate objects such as tuning fork, piano and amplifier. :/) Oops, she nearly forgot to mention that she was a part of the Superwomen(Student Welfare) committee of the Prefectorial Board back in the good ol' TKGS days. She's awesomely proud to be an Latter-Day Saint, and savouring her last year as a Laurel before she gets kicked out of YW. She loves her family and friends to bits, and in her (very little) free time, adores chilling out with her friends, attend concerts, shopping (and window shopping too. Money don't fall from the sky, y'know.), singing, tinkling on the piano, blogging, FBing and there's so much more she'll prolly need a thousand pages for her to fill up her "LOVES&HOBBIES" section. Flowers, cute huggable soft toys, helium balloons and (hand-written) letters and notes are some of her favourite things.♥

PS: I can/can't believe you just spent/wasted 5 minutes of your life reading her introductory speech. Btw, she LOVES people who tag on her tagboard, so do make sure you let her know that you were here! Have an awesome day anyway! (:






Bituwin - template
Dementee - image

Words from Before It's Too Late by Goo Goo Dolls.

Hit counter code here

Saturday, January 23, 2010
A million worth of apologies.

I'm sorry if I scolded you.
I'm sorry if I made you upset.
I'm sorry if I wasn't there for you.
I'm sorry if I seemed too preoccupied with everything else and may seem to have forgotten you.
I'm sorry if I couldn't help solve the problem.
I'm sorry if I didn't do my part well enough to cushion the problem or lessen the pain.
I'm sorry if I've been pretty much awfully quiet, quieter than before.
I'm sorry if I did say that we weren't friends anymore.
I'm sorry if I became so exasperated I just couldn't reason anything.
I'm sorry if I screamed at you for various reasons.
I'm sorry if I said I didn't care anymore.
I'm sorry if I've been too incompetent.
I'm sorry if I get impatient.
I'm sorry if I've been shooting you down.

I'm sorry I'm such a horrible person, a horrible friend.

I hate it when I start to become a perfectionist, because perfectionist itself is imperfection and things always, always go wrong when I start drilling into the nitty gritty stuff.
I hate demanding so much when I feel that I may not be able to produce as much as I demand for.
I hate the feeling when I can do absolutely nothing to salvage the problem, and see the person crumbling down.
I hate saying things like "I don't wanna friend you anymore." or "I don't care." or "I don't wanna know." because I know that I never meant it when I said it and always end up feeling more upset than I should.
I hate seeing two parties feeling upset, and I can't find a way to patch things up.
I hate it when my voice quality goes down, down, down and I feel like I've just thrown my parent's 1 year's worth of voice training down the drain.
I hate it when I break down.
I hate my expectations for myself because most of them are so unrealistic and I can only cry when I don't meet them.
I hate when I feel exasperated and start scolding and screaming (esp. at all the innocent people) until I hear absolute silence or till I feel like I'm being listened to.

It's been only 22 days into the new year, but... (I really don't know how to describe this.)
I'm really going through wayyyyy much more than you think I am.
I've been trying to keep all this problems and pain in me, but I guess sometimes my heart rules over my head and I start becoming cranky and horrid.
For now, try to understand.
And,
I'm genuinely sorry for everything that went wrong. I really am.

:(



Today is a horrid day, and it's really my fault.

I got quite exasperated during choir cos I couldn't match the words to the notes and I couldn't feel the sense of security even when there were only 8 people singing.

(One per section:

Sop 1 - Kerlene
Sop 2 - Monica
Alto 1 - Nabillah
Alto 2 - Me
Tenor 1 - Yan Jun
Tenor 2 - Zhuo Hong
Bass 1 - Darren Boh
Bass 2 - Gabriel Chew)

And I kinda got abit overwhelmed by loads of stuff which I don't wanna mention which led to me becoming a lil' cranky and all by about 8pm and my voice became so horrendously horrible by then I don't even know where to hide my face. Okay, I think it kind of built up to the climax and I did say some stuff to Michael which I know I shouldn't have said. Shoot, and Sis Serene heard me tell him that I didn't want to be his friend anymore and she went like "Why you say that?" Okay I'm a horrible friend, I'm a horrible friend. I feel like digging myself a hole and hide underneath forever. I am so so so so so so sorry okay, please forgive me okayyyyyy :( And also to those 7 people (SLs and members) + David (who stood in for Gab for awhile), I'm also so so so so sorry that I was so terribly impatient this afternoon - I really wanted to get the song settled and done well, but I guess I'm becoming too much of a perfectionist and wanting to get the nitty gritty details done and all, not realising that I went overboard. And Gloria, I'm so sorry for whatever I said today, I'm really sorry. I still love you and you're still my closest, closest friend in Nanyang! :(

Goodness, writing all these really wanna make me cry. I'M HORRIBLEEEEEEEEEEE! D:

(To hype up the intensity, the last two songs that were on my playlists were Kiss the Rain by Yiruma and Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. Smart.)

*Sobs*